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Happy Veteran’s Day!
November 11th, 2014Meditation, Rehabilitation, and Salvation
November 9th, 2014
Sounds like a theme for a Born Again, but no. I am just trying to find my True Self’s way in this turbulent world I have found myself in. I have been gone 4 out of 7 days each week in October and the first week of November taking care of my sister. I helped her with her full cranial radiation and round 2 of her chemo treatments when on Tuesday October 14th shortly after I arrived in Vegas to take care of her she fell to the floor. I lifted her up and checked on her every hour on the hour until in the morning after calling her oncologist we decided to take her into the emergency room. 18 days later and numerous tests including a spinal tap and it has been determined that my sister has a brain infection. She is being treated with IV antibiotics and in a day or so we should be finally moving her to a rehab facility within the hospital in order to get her up and walking which she hasn’t done since that fateful day.
Also, we are also losing a cherished member of our team who is moving on and my husband has yet to find a replacement, instead, the talented and passionate man of mine is going to take on the task as also being our main editor of our movies. He truly is a Renaissance man and can do it all, I just wonder if working 7 days a week is a healthy choice for him but he is stubborn and determined and smart so I know he knows what is best for him. His choices have always been wise in the past.
With all this going on and taking on the task as my sister’s Power of Attorney and taking on not only her medical needs but her financial needs and her insurance issues and trying to assist Ryan in any way that I can I have also brought my sister’s dog home. Oh yeah, I also did 2 KM shoots yesterday and today on Sunday I am preparing for one teenfidelity shoot this week and 2 pornfidelity shoots and my accountant is revising our last 2 year’s taxes this week along with my assistance. Yep, and a dog too? Am I crazy? That’s OK, I have found that I have abilities to juggle many things at one time and it hasn’t put me in the asylum yet. I have faith that this is all going to be OK.
That brings me to the meditation. Thank you universe for providing me Deepak Chopra whom I have learned from since the early 90’s to come back into my life again by way of free daily meditations online. This could not have presented itself to me at a better time. I have found my emotional and spiritual salvation at a time when I should virtually be freaking out.
So to find one’s peace and way through the harshest times is so transforming. I have so much to be grateful for and to work with my husband yesterday was so fulfilling. We came home and made dinner and we just couldn’t have been more attracted to each other if we tried. After 15 years we acted like we had just started dating. I couldn’t have asked for a better “welcome home” than that!
I did come home last week for a few days and attended a wedding on Halloween. It was a full costume attendance and Ryan and I were happy to adorn our Halloween best. We also took a family photo before leaving as well as stayed at a hotel nearby the reception and shot a video. Somehow we always fit in a bit of work in all our play.
No matter what is going on or how busy I get I never fail to give the members of my site a weekly update that I try to put all my heart and soul into because I have the best members in the world and I would hate to let them down. Here are some samples of some of the updates since I last checked in:
I will hopefully be home for a few days this week and I appreciate everyone’s well wishes regarding my sister. I’ll check in next Sunday!
Peaks and Valleys
October 5th, 2014
Alas I finally made it to the mountains in September. My birthday trip to June lake was of course delayed due to my sister’s health but after some moving around of the schedule and a great deal of thought and processing of guilt I was able to hit the road with Ryan and the dogs. As we left there was a blazing fire in the National Forest behind our home but our bags were packed and our insurance premiums paid so we said, “What the hell” and took off.
The drive through the desert was pleasant as always and we stopped off for some turkey jerky and homemade honey.
We left one hundred degree weather to a nice temperature in the high 70’s, low 80’s and even though it was warmer than what we were used to or even packed for, we were happy and grateful. The next day a fire began in the mountains not far from our little place of heaven. Luckily even though the major road was closed the mountains directly behind us were not ablaze and we were able to go on hikes. The winds were also in the opposite direction so even though our climb took us higher than the helicopters dropping water, we had fresh air and a gosh darn good view of the smoldering fire. At one point on our hike we were headed directly to where the fire was and I didn’t think it wise but then at the top of climb there was a lake we could always jump in if needed!
Tommy and Kaylee did great on the hike. It was a 5 mile hike, 2,000 feet increase in elevation and very steep the entire way so we went from an elevation of 7,000 feet to 9,000 feet in less than 2 hours. We packed snacks and water, oh yeah, Ryan carried us up two beers!
Unfortunately I didn’t see any bears, just this one in the lobby, cute flower, huh?
The only true bummer about the trip was coming home. I love the mountains, I grew up a beach girl but my heart belongs to the High Sierras. One day I will retire there, at least during the Spring through Fall and then reside at the beach during the winter. But for now, I shall submit to the squelching Southern California hot desert heat and deal with it the best way I know how – NAKED.
Sports, Drugs, Parties and Travel, oh my!
September 6th, 2014
Football season is back and that means Sunday Funday around here as well as Ryan being fully engrossed in his 2 fantasy football teams. It isn’t all fun and games though because I went out to Vegas last Friday to take my sister Cheryl to her new oncologist and the appointment went well and we both like and respect this new doctor but doing full cranial radiation is scaring the shit out of both of us. We didn’t have time to worry about it much because we had to pack her and her dog up to come back to my house for the weekend. My other sister’s daughter was also moving last weekend so I was the taxi driver for my two sisters and my dog and my sister’s dog from Vegas to California on Saturday. I then loaned my sister Judi my truck to then continue down to Carlsbad to help my niece move while I worked, or should I say slaved, on putting on an end of the year combo birthday party at the office house. We had a great time at the party on Sunday and I’m glad my sister Cheryl was there to enjoy some fun in the sun at our pool party and hang out with all the crazy characters that work with me. We are all indeed super fucking crazy as hell.
The party was a total success and I cleaned up, packed my bags yet again, threw my two dogs and my sister’s dog in the back of the caddy, and along with my two sisters headed back to Vegas Monday early evening. Oh yeah, I also packed Ryan’s stuff because he flew out to Vegas Tuesday afternoon. I picked him up from the airport in Vegas and we put together custom labels for a box of cigars I ordered for his fantasy football party he was attending Tuesday night at our friend Rick’s house. Geez, there was a lot going on so try to catch up. So I pick up Ryan, go over to our friend Ken and Serena’s where then Ken and Ryan drove to Rick’s while I visited with Serena. Come to find out she has a cousin who runs a website assisting patients with Cannabis treatment by the name of United Patients Group. Holy cow, I’ve been trying to find out about this Cannabis oil and where to get it since it was first suggested to me from Sandee and Jared several months ago. Well, Serena had all the info and I drove Ryan and I home on Wednesday, got my medical marijuana card, met up with the distributor of the oil and got it to my sister as of 8PM last night. I have learned more about CBD’s and THC in the last two days. I think I am at the biochemist status at this point. So here I am with the medical marijuana card and I don’t even smoke it!
You would think after all that going on last week I would be ready for bed, quite the contrary, we did 2 shoots this week and tomorrow we leave for a local Indian casino to celebrate Ryan’s Grandmother’s birthday and we may just stay an extra day to get a little porn shooting in. It can’t be all play and no work.
47 today
August 26th, 2014
I made it to 47 despite my attempts at living life to it’s fullest with all the vices one can fit into a 32 year time frame, from my teenage years to present. I have to admit I’m pretty healthy and getting older hasn’t slowed me down. I would like to announce that today is not only my birthday, but National Dog Day, apropo I thought since my dogs do mean a lot to me. So “Here’s to me and the dogs, may we all have a day where we get to go on a walk, drink lots of water, avoid biting when a growl will do, accept all of life’s treats with gratitude and most importantly, love unconditionally!”
Thanks for all the b-day tweets and emails. Love you guys!
OK not hating the world, God, life, or myself at the moment…
August 24th, 2014
Well, at least not at THIS moment. Fuck I have been in the WORST mood lately. Ever since I got the call from my indiscernible sister 2 weeks ago this Tuesday that I received while she was having her seizure and she could barely speak and it scared the shit out of me, I have been so miserable. I drove out to pick her up from the hospital and I also picked up all her new MRI’s and CT scans to compare them with the PET scans done earlier in April and yep, just what I didn’t want to be true, seems the cancer has spread to her brain. Fuck fuck fuck. She has been to a new neurologist who confirmed our biggest fears and with the combine group efforts of her OBGYN oncologist and her new medical oncologist that I am taking her to this Friday, we will determine wether she is to under go radiation therapy along with a new round of chemo or just radiation. Bizzare news is that she believed my happy positive bullshit and her attitude is fantastic! She even went back to work and seems to be filled with new ambition and vigor at continuing the fight. I am so thrilled about that. I was falling apart inside but as usual I put up my tough as nails asshole motivating exterior and it paid off. I am so proud of her.
Meanwhile I’ve been a mess inside. Thank you to all of you that have sent the kindest emails and messages. I really do appreciate it and it helped me from literally not offing myself this past week. OK, maybe I’m being a bit dramatic but I have also, embarassing as it is to admit to the world, been feeling sorry for myself because I’m turning 47 on Tuesday. I know, how superficial and insignificant considering what my poor sister is going through trying to fight for her life but I have been a bit pity party-ish. I’m not even vain but getting older bums me out a little bit. Even when I was young I didn’t like to celebrate my birthday so it isn’t just an age thing, I just really don’t like the attention. As ironic as that sounds with me being an adult performer, it is true. Poor Ryan has to always put up with me being negative about my birthday and he is the kindest most romantic and thoughtful man and I have a way just squashing his efforts. I do love his ever positive attitude that “someday” I’ll enjoy celebrating my birthday.
To turn things around I shot 2 videos for my site yesterday and I approached the day with a positive outlook and I had one of the best production working days that I have had in months. I did 2 scenes and did several Polaroids for the bra and panty sets that I’ve sold recently.
I had fun, I felt good, I felt healthy and alive and things are really turning around for me in so many areas I have little to no room to be sad about anything. Even my sister’s condition isn’t dire and I’m not going to shed another tear until I have proof that her treatments aren’t working. So there! I may even celebrate my birthday, OK, maybe that’s going a bit too far. Maybe a movie and dinner with Ryan, we’ll see. I usually go to Mammoth Lakes for my birthday with the dogs and Ryan so it isn’t just about “me” but more so a family vacation for all to enjoy, but with all the medical hullabaloo going on and also I’m in the middle of selling a property rental in Texas that is problematic, I postponed my trip.
So with all that said, this should be an eventful week. Monday I should be closing on the Texas house, my birthday is on Tuesday, we have 2 shoots scheduled this week for pornfidelity.com and teenfidelity.com, I am driving out to Vegas to take my sister to the doctor on Friday, and I am having a big company pool and barbecue party on Sunday. Madness as usual here at Kelly Madison Media, hey, I wouldn’t have it any other way : )
Does life always have to be so painful?
August 13th, 2014I know I act a lot like everything is so fucking great but not tonight. Tonight my sister who recently survived cancer had a stroke. My eldest sister is with her at the hospital right now and I’ll be driving out tomorrow to Vegas. I can’t believe it has been to the day exactly 13 years since my Mother passed and I’m still getting over the loss of her. Tonight I received a text and a photo from my sister Judi updating me of Cheryl’s condition and the photo of Cheryl in her hospital bed sleeping looks just like our Mom. I’m scared, I’m worried, and dealing with a sick person is so hard to do, not in the physical realm or having to do things for someone, but it is just such an emotional drain. I took care of my sick Mother for years, then a sick dog for years, and this past year my very very sick sister. Ryan and I just took his grandparents out to dinner last night and got an update on all their ailments and I ordered some holistic products for them just this morning. I really don’t mind being a caretaker, I feel like I have been one all my life but the pain and fear of loss sucks. So for those out there who do what I do and care for others I feel your pain as I’m sure you do mine. I find my greatest strength usually in these difficult times but a few tears get shed as well. Thanks for the continual support.
Time to brag to you…
August 3rd, 2014OK, maybe not brag exactly but announce to you the arrival of porn from me to you. Does that send better? I would like to announce a few fun updates on my site if you happened to have missed them in your busy summer season, even with all the fun outdoor distractions, don’t forget to check out all the porn I have made for you with love! So here’s what’s been happening in my world…
Me As the “Boss Lady”, which indeed I am but spoiler alert, I don’t always look like that when working in my office, hence the reason why I don’t have 24 live cams up in my house : O
Me sticking it to myself in “Clear Penetration”.
Me again playing with the hose outside like a little kid, thing was, I didn’t have these big tities to play with when I was young. In fact, a few years ago they weren’t even this big! WTF? Are they ever going to stop growing????
And me playing Big Girl in a Big Big City with a Big Big Big cock ravaging me, uh, can’t see all that action from just this one photo, but go inside kellymadison.com
to see all Big Big Action!
Condom Bill
July 31st, 2014I feel I have not done enough, spoken loud enough, or ranted enough about this issue. The California legislation will decide this coming Monday on wether or not it will be illegal in the state of California to do a porn scene without a condom along with other ridiculous stipulations that are equivalent to wearing a hazmat suit with all the sexiness that entails. Our industry has testing protocols to ensure our safety and our self regulation has allowed for not a single on-set HIV exposure since 2004. Now the state wants to butt in where it doesn’t belong and this actually puts the porn community more at risk with forcing business out of state, with the possibility of this causing less control over our testing protocols, the ironic possibility of causing more STD’s with condom wear because of the excessive irritation it causes to sensitive skin exposing the performers to the likelihood of getting another sexually transmitted disease much easier, not to mention the stupidity on the state for driving yet another business out of a state that so desperately needs our tax dollars.
So please everyone in California who is in the porn industry, who knows and cares about someone in the porn industry, who watches porn, or whoever cares about the real safety of individuals, speak out. I know it’s a bit late, but better late than never.
I myself thought it would never get this far knowing the facts and knowing who was behind the bill. To my dismay, we are on the verge of losing the ability to work in California. I myself am fortunate as to already have the ability to run my business out of Las Vegas. But how sad, this is where I call home, this is where most of my employees call home. I retain 11 employees, 9 of which are here in California. What happens to them? What happens to their jobs? What happens to their healthcare and their 401K that I provide?
Hopefully there isn’t enough funding to approve the bill but alas, I still have my worries and so do a lot of people in our industry. I know there are those of you out there that see the safety in condom use and I also agree that condoms do save lives, the problem is the passing of the bill will not help people, it will just drive business out of California. So there, I said my piece.
4th of July
July 4th, 2014
Happy 4th Everyone! It’s so hot outside already and it is only 10:00AM. It is going to be a scorcher today, that’s for sure. Happy Global Warming I should say. Well I’ve got something to heat you up if your neck of the woods is not at the 100 degree temp that I’m experiencing. Just check out my latest updates on kellymadison.com as well as pornfidelity.com and of course, the ever growing in popularity, teenfidelity.com. Looking at the hot content and fulfilling your nastiest of desires is a holiday in itself : )
So stroke your big fire stick, blow your 4th of July wad, eat some weenies, and enjoy the incredible freedoms we share in this great Nation. Freedoms are hard to come by and we can lose them so easily, especially when we take them for granted and we get too lazy to vote or care or support causes and/or people we believe can make a difference.
“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.”
Abraham Lincoln
