Don’t even ask me how I found this photo on the internet. I was looking for a pink penis phone to buy for a friend and this image shows up when I googled it. By the way, never found the phone…

A friend sent me their bucket list and told me to check off what I have done. I thought I might share it with you in case you might want to check it off for yourself. It made me think of things that I really would love to do and I am grateful to have been able to check off a lot that I have already had the pleasure and opportunity to do.

( ) Gone on a blind date

(x) Watched someone die

(x) Been to Canada

(x) Been to Mexico

(x) Been to Florida

(x) Been to Hawaii

(x) Been to Europe

( ) Been to South America

( ) Been to Central America

( ) Been to Asia

( ) Been to Australia or New Zealand

(x) Been on a plane

(x) Been on a helicopter

(x) Been on a Cruise

( ) Visited All 50 States

(x) Been lost

(x) Been on the opposite side of the country

( ) Gone to Washington, DC

(x) Swam in the ocean (Pacific & Atlantic)

(x) Cried yourself to sleep

(x)Played cops and robbers

(x) Recently colored with crayons

(x) sang Karaoke

(x) Paid for a meal with coins only

(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t

(x) Made prank phone calls

(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.

( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(x) Danced in the rain

(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus

(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(x) Watched the sunrise with someone

(x) Blown bubbles

(x) Gone ice-skating

(x) Been skinny dipping outdoors

(x) Gone to the movies

(x) Skipped school

( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch

( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans

( ) Been deep sea fishing

( ) Driven across the United States

( ) Been in a hot air balloon

( ) Been sky diving

( ) Gone snowmobiling

( ) Lived in more than one country

(x) Visited more than one country

(x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets

(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish

( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser

(x) Seen the Statue of Liberty

(x) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle

(x) Traveled by train

(x) Traveled by motorcycle

(x) Been horseback riding

(x) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR

( ) Been to Disneyland — and Disney World

( ) Truly believe in the power of prayer

( ) Been in a rain forest

(x) Seen whales in the ocean

( ) Been to Niagara Falls

( ) Ridden on an elephant

( ) Swam with Manatees

(x) Been to the Olympics

( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China

(x) Saw and heard a glacier calf

( ) Been spinnaker flying

(x) Been water-skiing

(x) Been snow-skiing

( ) Been to Westminster Abbey

( ) Been to the Louvre

(x) Swam in the Mediterranean

(x) Been to a Major League Baseball game

(x) Been to a National Football League game

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely
P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, The administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned task. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.