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Archive for the ‘Family & Friends’ Category

Turning 49? “How can that be?”

Wednesday, August 31st, 2016

Seriously, that’s the question I asked myself all throughout the month of August. 49? Where has time gone? I remember thinking when I started my website that I was 33 and wow that’s a bit old to be taking off your clothes but alas, here I am 16 years later still strutting my stuff. It may be older stuff but still stuff, nonetheless. Thanks for the support.

I spent the month keeping my mind off my age and at times probably should have been acting my age. We hired a beautiful model to do arial acrobatics and I just couldn’t keep myself from hanging from the fabric like a little kid.


I tried to be a bit more respectable but ended up masturbating in the bathroom while I was at a party. Shame on me!


Then I decided to dress like a lady and then promptly undress and again with the masturbation? I guess the older women get the hornier they get? It seems to ring true for this old broad!


I was able to spend my birthday weekend with some very dear friends down in Newport Beach. We rented a villa and right when we checked in Ryan got out the camera and we inaugurated our weekend home. We had fun and shot some content, made dinner and went to bed early and rose with sun and drank our coffee while overlooking the golf course and the beautiful ocean view. We then met up with our friends who drove down from LA and Ryan and Kyle golfed while I was able to get some wonderful girl time with Sarah hanging out by the pool and going to the spa. We dined that evening together and then reluctantly went home the next day. This was my third time staying at the Villas at Pelican Hill and I could just live there permanently, a bit expensive but maybe they won’t notice me if I keep real quiet ; )


April: Anniversaries, Births, Remodeling, and of course, modeling…

Sunday, April 24th, 2016


Happy April Everyone. This month has been full of new things, new beings, and a new perspective on what it takes to get shit done around the house. On the 13th it was mine and Ryan’s wedding anniversary. We have been together for almost 17 years, and most of that time married and working together. I am starting to take this hard working man for granted and most recently realized my whole universe would not have been the same had he not been with me, holding my hand and going on this journey together. Awwww, yes, I am still in love with him even though he does tend to drive me crazy!

The day after our anniversary my new nephew was born, his name is Zen and he was delivered Cesarean which caused a few respiratory problems for him but I can happily announce today, 11 days later, he is coming home from the hospital as healthy as can be! Yay!

I spent last weekend babysitting my niece’s other son and her husband’s two children. I took them to go see Jungle Book, OMG, that is my favorite movie now. I love being an Aunt and spoiling them and buying them frozen yogurt and toys and going to the park and then packing up my car and going home. Dogs are way easier – ha ha. No really, they are precious and if I could spend time with them every weekend I would : )

I love doing content for my site and so I have been busy this month doing that as you can see, I can’t fake the funk.





I have also taken on the chore of remodeling the master bedroom at the work house. I wanted to do a reclaimed brick wall look with old brick, who knew it took so much work to make something look old and torn up a bit. Geez. It is done now and it looks great, just what I wanted. I re-did the ceiling, lighting, flooring, paint, floor boards, you name it. I also upgraded the master bath and the walk in closet. I also like how one starts off with a budget in mind and somehow along the way it quadruples? How does that happen?

I am on my way over to see Ryan with the doggies in about an hour. I have to do my makeup and then head over to the work house with about 20 sets of bras and panties to model for Polaroids that I sell on my site along with my outfit I’m wearing today for the shoot (I know it is Sunday but what can I say, working is fun for me!), dog food and walking apparatus for them, chicken and veggies to barbecue and some adult beverages, bathing suits to go into the pool and spa afterwards and most importantly, I take with me a great sense of happiness knowing that I get to enjoy this beautiful day.

Spring Zing

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2016


Welcome beautiful springtime! I just walked outside and everything is so green and luscious. The hills behind my home look like Maui. I love this time of year and we have been spring cleaning away. We had some plumbing troubles and now we are fixing everything and painting the walls. Everything is beginning to feel fresh and new which only inspires me to do work more. I love when all is in order. The only down part to this month so far is the anniversary of my sister’s passing. I can’t believe a year has swept by so quickly. I was pretty depressed last week but decided to turn the day of her passing into a celebration of sorts and we had a big pizza party at the office. I also went down this past weekend and visited my niece who is expecting her 2nd child in April. We sorted through all the baby stuff and did some shopping to get her ready to bring home the little guy. I have to admit I am a bit sore from playing with her son and her husband’s two kids. I thought I was in shape but playing with them for 2 days straight really shows me my age – yikes!


I have a new DVD that was released this month and It is the 2nd of a new line I am calling Ms. Madison.


I also wanted to share some photos of my new updates on my site. I like the nerdy lab professor the best : )


I updated one of my favorite scenes that I did with Sophie Dee in our bikinis. Now there’s a whole lotta titty for ya!


I also worked with Bree Olson a while ago, before all the Charlie Sheen drama. I don’t think she is in the business any longer but she sure made an impression on me when I worked with her, so damn cute.


So March and the beginning of Spring are just zinging along and so am I. I’ll be checking in after Easter and letting you know what surprises I get from the Easter Bunny. Oh I do hope it is a new Tesla but I’ll settle for some See’s candy.

All things San Diego…

Monday, September 7th, 2015


I have spent a few days in San Diego County and loving every minute of it. Ryan and I took the doggies with us down to Rancho Santa Fe for a few days at a beautiful boutique hotel that allowed dogs which is always a plus, I hate having to sneak the little guys in : )


Actually the old days of sneaking dogs into hotel rooms is long gone. There are so many 4 star hotels that allow pets it makes it so much easier to travel with my hairy babies. This place was pristine. The weather was nice, the staff was great and the rooms were beautiful. I say “rooms” because we checked in on Sunday and checked out on Tuesday and went to lunch after packing up the car and decided we just couldn’t leave. So we checked back in, unloaded the car and stayed another night and it was so worth it. We had an even better suite and had a large patio all to ourselves. We drank some wine and played with the dogs and just relaxed. We finally drove home Wednesday morning and got back in the grind but not without some new content for my website. You know that even on my birthday getaway I can’t resist filming a few scenes for my fans. I love it.


I had only a few days home before leaving again with my sister down to Oceanside early Friday morning. I barely unpacked before packing again and heading down to see my niece. Our hotel room had a beautiful ocean view, and best of all, AC that worked awesome. It was unusually hot for the beach and our room was super chill just how I like it. Everything went great down south and we spent one day at the beach with the kids. The tide was really strong so my sister and my niece and myself were on heavy life guard duty since we were there with a 4 year old and 7 year old. When I wasn’t on duty I had a few hours of just playing in the surf with my sister and caught some good boogie board rides since the waves were really big.


My sister and I returned back to my home Sunday afternoon and we cooked dinner, watched some TV and passed out. Neither one of us have played in the surf all day long in years so we were pretty tuckered out. She unfortunately left too soon and drove back to Vegas early on Monday. I was gearing up to packing for my 3rd trip when my friend and I decided to postpone me going to Oregon until later in October and it was a good thing because by Wednesday I was sick as a dog. Funny how things worked out that way. I would hate to be out of town and feeling as poorly as I did. I went to see the doctor and now I am feeling much better. I tried doing it the holistic way and then after a few days of misery I finally broke down and got some antibiotics which I only use as a last ditch effort. I think our society has completely over used antibiotics causing major problems and leading to the ineffectiveness of those drugs.

Now I am well into my recovery and even had a nice belated birthday get together with Ryan’s family yesterday. I am truly fortunate to have in-laws that I adore. Ryan’s Grandmother is simply adorable. At 84 she has her own iMac, iPad, iPhone and knows how to use Uber. She’s also a very snappy dresser and is so fun to be around. I hope I’m that youthful and exuberant when I am her age, I hope to reach her age!

So today is Labor Day. All the employees have a paid holiday and Ryan is working tirelessly editing and such in the office by himself and I am at home catching up on work and writing my blog and even though we aren’t at a picnic or at the beach, I feel grateful to have the freedom we do have with our business and working on everyone else’s day off is no big deal at all. It doesn’t feel like work when you are doing what you love and no one is telling you that you have to work. So I hope everyone is having a great day whether you are at play or at work. Be safe and if you have a little time on your hands, be sure and check out out my new updates on


Saying Goodbye again and too soon…

Sunday, June 28th, 2015

As I was busily planning my sister’s memorial, Ryan’s cousin’s husband and father of 3 beautiful children fell and hit is head and went into a coma and never came out. This all happened a few weeks ago. It was difficult for either of us to handle, we visited him in the hospital and had to witness our family in so much pain that I couldn’t find the words to write about it in my blog. One thing I know for sure, he was loved. Craig Diamond had more friends than anyone I know. The entire community of Long Beach came together for him as well as his friends in Seal Beach that did a charity auction for his wife and children this past week. The funeral was on Friday and the church wasn’t big enough to fit all who attended. So many people donated their time, their money, their energy to put the various events together. Craig’s death was so sudden and tragic, he was only 41, the only provider for his family, and just about the nicest, most helpful guy you could ever meet. I’ll miss his big smile, his deep voice, his quietly confident demeanor, and his beautiful way of not judging anyone.

Craig left behind his wife who was a stay at home mother and his three beautiful children. Everyone has come together to help out the family not only with their love and support but financially. Here is a link to one of the fundraising efforts for the Diamond Family.

Saying Goodbye & Saying Hello

Saturday, June 27th, 2015

Exactly a week ago we celebrated my sister Cheryl’s life and dispersed her ashes into the ocean. I began to plan her memorial several months ago but then I had brushed it aside, not wanting to explore those feelings I suppose and not wanting the finalization that her death was permanent. I hope that makes sense to those that have experienced similar feelings when it comes to losing a loved one, it is not quite denial, yet nowhere near acceptance. Kind of a dull sad cloud that follows you around. The one shining aspect of the entire memorial was that all of us “caregivers” were going to be together for our final goodbye to Cheryl. I rented a beautiful home in Seal Beach and the sisters all stayed there and our dear friend Jim and Derick stayed at a nearby hotel but were with us on Friday evening and all day Saturday. Everyone traveled from far away such as New York, Boise, and Las Vegas yet for me it was a small venture but I packed up my truck and Escalade full of things for the memorial, beach cruisers, food and drinks, and lots of booze. It really looked as if we were moving in for good with all the crap I brought. Oh well, at least no one was without and that is the way Cheryl would have wanted it.

We had a lovely day with only minor hiccups in my plans, but it went smoothly, there was much music and laughter and love. Derick sang for us and if you have ever had the pleasure of having a professional opera singer perform for you in a small space, then you know how powerful and marvelous that experience can be. It brought tears to my eyes each time he sang. My sisters couldn’t have been more loving or more accommodating, each one bringing a different aspect to Cheryl’s life, especially our so-called little sister Traci who was actually Cheryl’s best friend and we sort of adopted her. Jimmy, Cheryl’s best friend growing up was there as well, so again a sort of brother to me and Judi and his presence was like coming home, as he so aptly put it. We all got along beautifully and it was worth all the effort. Cheryl brought us all together and her energy lives on in each of us, drawing us ever closer and for that gift I am forever grateful.

A loss too big, a life too big for words…

Sunday, March 22nd, 2015

To say my sister lived life to the fullest is an understatement. Cheryl Baldwin had a personality and wit and gift for bringing joy to others like no one I have ever known. She was always the one who wanted a party, wanted to bring cheer and give gifts, wanted to be the helper and savior to all those she loved, and at the end, we just couldn’t save her no matter how hard we tried or how hard we loved her.

The support and love of my family got me through all this, especially my sister Judi. Cheryl had been hospitalized or in a group home under hospice care for over 5 months which can put a strain on any family, and with the care falling mainly on my sister Judi, it was no easy task.

Cheryl’s friends also came to not only her aid, but to mine as well. Even in her passing, the most beautiful words of comfort came from her dear friend Jim and his forwarding of messages from friends of theirs.

“The residual of Cheryl’s being will linger throughout our memories. Her spirit is now free, not bound by space or time any longer, and now resides in a place of peace that surpasses our understanding.”

As I was there with her on her last day March 17th, alone in her room. I played Fleetwood Mac and Eagles and our favorites from when we were young. She couldn’t speak that day but lay there with her eyes closed. I knew she could hear me and every once in awhile squeezed my hand. I played the music loud in order to drown out the annoying sound of the her oxygen machine. I sang to her, I cried to her and said everything in the world I could ever want to communicate to my dear sister. I told Jim what I was doing and he was so supportive, he sent me the words to an Eagles song. Cheryl and Jim attended an Eagles concert together back in 1976 which was one of my sister’s fondest memories.

“I wish you peace when times are hard.
A light to guide you through the dark.
And when storms are high and your dreams are low,
I wish you the strength to grown on,
I wish you the strength to let love flow…”

I am so thankful not only for all the love and support of all those that cared for her but for the gift of how she passed. I had left to go eat around 7PM on Tuesday, letting her ex Marc have some precious moments alone with her. After he left my sister Judi and I got a call from the home alerting us to fact that her breathing had changed dramatically. The two of us rushed over and we held her hands, spoke to her and told her how much we loved her. Then amazingly, after over 24 hours of not moving or even opening her eyes, her eyes opened wide and she turned to look at Judi and then turned to me and kept her glaze on me for quite a while and then once again turned to Judi and then peacefully closed her eyes, her breathing became soft and a look of peace came upon her for the first time and then she gently slipped away as a tear fell from her right eye.

Good bye my beautiful sister. You just lived life TOO big, TOO fast, TOO much, so therefore you used up all the energy allotted for one life and so you had to leave me TOO soon. I love you Cheryl.


Checking in, finally…

Sunday, March 15th, 2015

So I am alive and well, actually doing quite well and recovering from my severe exhaustion I suffered a week ago. It all sort of hit me on a physical and emotional level with everything going on. But me, personally I am doing great now and ready to be a part of the living again, I have been so consumed with my dying sister there is little laughter and love and happiness in my soul lately and I appreciate everyone’s patience with me.

Bad news first, my sister has been hospitalized unable to get out of bed now since October 22nd of 2014. She is now in a wonderful Group Home and being taken care of by an equally wonderful Hospice center who is taking care of all her medical needs. I never knew finding a good place for a loved one could be so difficult and so expensive. Thank god my schedule is flexible and I make good money, how do other people do it? My Mother was ill but even with my meager earnings back in the day she was much easier to care for. My sister is a 24/7 job. My sister Judi visits her daily after working a long day and the only break she gets is when my sister’s ex visits her which he does on Sundays and Tuesdays and she gets a break of course when I am in town. I’m afraid I’m going to lose two sisters if this keeps up.

Great news next, all is going well in my personal life. My dogs are great, my husband fabulous, my business flowing along splendidly and things are all coming together quite nicely. I just need some time to take care of myself which of course I find difficult to do. I plan on going out to Vegas this coming week, sadly it might be my last time with Cheryl because of her declining health, but I will be able to spend some much needed time with my niece’s son. He is going to be 4 this July and I haven’t been able to be there for him or for my niece Amanda these past few years. It has all been about Cheryl and I need to start focusing on the living and my future with my family. We are at the end of the day, all we have. So I am going to repair the relationship I have with myself and start taking care of me and extending out a helping hand to my lovely niece and her adorable son.

As far as what is going on sexy wise in my life, well, I have been doing some shoots for my site and keeping that active. We have been doing some amateur travel stuff along with a few 4K scenes and I plan on doing some more 4K stuff this month. I have a long overdue 1000th scene to film and I got a wonderful offer from a secret person to participate in it with me. That really made me happy. She happens to not only be a past lover, but a friend! A great friend who I never get to spend any time with. So I better take her up on her offer and fast!

I haven’t blogged in so long and I am such a bad bad girl. Well here are some photos from my recent website entries. I may not be the best “blogger” but I am a very good web girl and I never fail at updating my site every week with new content and I have been doing it for almost 15 years now.


Meditation, Rehabilitation, and Salvation

Sunday, November 9th, 2014


Sounds like a theme for a Born Again, but no. I am just trying to find my True Self’s way in this turbulent world I have found myself in. I have been gone 4 out of 7 days each week in October and the first week of November taking care of my sister. I helped her with her full cranial radiation and round 2 of her chemo treatments when on Tuesday October 14th shortly after I arrived in Vegas to take care of her she fell to the floor. I lifted her up and checked on her every hour on the hour until in the morning after calling her oncologist we decided to take her into the emergency room. 18 days later and numerous tests including a spinal tap and it has been determined that my sister has a brain infection. She is being treated with IV antibiotics and in a day or so we should be finally moving her to a rehab facility within the hospital in order to get her up and walking which she hasn’t done since that fateful day.

Also, we are also losing a cherished member of our team who is moving on and my husband has yet to find a replacement, instead, the talented and passionate man of mine is going to take on the task as also being our main editor of our movies. He truly is a Renaissance man and can do it all, I just wonder if working 7 days a week is a healthy choice for him but he is stubborn and determined and smart so I know he knows what is best for him. His choices have always been wise in the past.

With all this going on and taking on the task as my sister’s Power of Attorney and taking on not only her medical needs but her financial needs and her insurance issues and trying to assist Ryan in any way that I can I have also brought my sister’s dog home. Oh yeah, I also did 2 KM shoots yesterday and today on Sunday I am preparing for one teenfidelity shoot this week and 2 pornfidelity shoots and my accountant is revising our last 2 year’s taxes this week along with my assistance. Yep, and a dog too? Am I crazy? That’s OK, I have found that I have abilities to juggle many things at one time and it hasn’t put me in the asylum yet. I have faith that this is all going to be OK.

That brings me to the meditation. Thank you universe for providing me Deepak Chopra whom I have learned from since the early 90’s to come back into my life again by way of free daily meditations online. This could not have presented itself to me at a better time. I have found my emotional and spiritual salvation at a time when I should virtually be freaking out.

So to find one’s peace and way through the harshest times is so transforming. I have so much to be grateful for and to work with my husband yesterday was so fulfilling. We came home and made dinner and we just couldn’t have been more attracted to each other if we tried. After 15 years we acted like we had just started dating. I couldn’t have asked for a better “welcome home” than that!

I did come home last week for a few days and attended a wedding on Halloween. It was a full costume attendance and Ryan and I were happy to adorn our Halloween best. We also took a family photo before leaving as well as stayed at a hotel nearby the reception and shot a video. Somehow we always fit in a bit of work in all our play.



No matter what is going on or how busy I get I never fail to give the members of my site a weekly update that I try to put all my heart and soul into because I have the best members in the world and I would hate to let them down. Here are some samples of some of the updates since I last checked in:


I will hopefully be home for a few days this week and I appreciate everyone’s well wishes regarding my sister. I’ll check in next Sunday!

Sports, Drugs, Parties and Travel, oh my!

Saturday, September 6th, 2014


Football season is back and that means Sunday Funday around here as well as Ryan being fully engrossed in his 2 fantasy football teams. It isn’t all fun and games though because I went out to Vegas last Friday to take my sister Cheryl to her new oncologist and the appointment went well and we both like and respect this new doctor but doing full cranial radiation is scaring the shit out of both of us. We didn’t have time to worry about it much because we had to pack her and her dog up to come back to my house for the weekend. My other sister’s daughter was also moving last weekend so I was the taxi driver for my two sisters and my dog and my sister’s dog from Vegas to California on Saturday. I then loaned my sister Judi my truck to then continue down to Carlsbad to help my niece move while I worked, or should I say slaved, on putting on an end of the year combo birthday party at the office house. We had a great time at the party on Sunday and I’m glad my sister Cheryl was there to enjoy some fun in the sun at our pool party and hang out with all the crazy characters that work with me. We are all indeed super fucking crazy as hell.

The party was a total success and I cleaned up, packed my bags yet again, threw my two dogs and my sister’s dog in the back of the caddy, and along with my two sisters headed back to Vegas Monday early evening. Oh yeah, I also packed Ryan’s stuff because he flew out to Vegas Tuesday afternoon. I picked him up from the airport in Vegas and we put together custom labels for a box of cigars I ordered for his fantasy football party he was attending Tuesday night at our friend Rick’s house. Geez, there was a lot going on so try to catch up. So I pick up Ryan, go over to our friend Ken and Serena’s where then Ken and Ryan drove to Rick’s while I visited with Serena. Come to find out she has a cousin who runs a website assisting patients with Cannabis treatment by the name of United Patients Group. Holy cow, I’ve been trying to find out about this Cannabis oil and where to get it since it was first suggested to me from Sandee and Jared several months ago. Well, Serena had all the info and I drove Ryan and I home on Wednesday, got my medical marijuana card, met up with the distributor of the oil and got it to my sister as of 8PM last night. I have learned more about CBD’s and THC in the last two days. I think I am at the biochemist status at this point. So here I am with the medical marijuana card and I don’t even smoke it!

You would think after all that going on last week I would be ready for bed, quite the contrary, we did 2 shoots this week and tomorrow we leave for a local Indian casino to celebrate Ryan’s Grandmother’s birthday and we may just stay an extra day to get a little porn shooting in. It can’t be all play and no work.


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