I have indeed finally hit a wall. Even I, Kelly Madison the hardest working woman in porn can admit that I’ve taken on too much. My house has been re-created into a fantasy circus porn set. My windows are still covered to block out all the sun and the outside of the windows covered in heavy white paper to keep out the heat. My formal living room is stuffed to the gills with various furniture items throughout the house and sectioned off with a long utility table covered with battery chargers, cords, camera and lighting equipment and any gadget from tape to a screw driver at the ready hands of my crew. There are cords running through my house taped to my marble floors. There are clothing racks in my dining area with wardrobe hanging from it. For the Pornfidelity 500th episodes I literally had 11 outfit changes! Not to mention the 6 girls I hired for multiple days to shoot multiple scenes and all their costuming and propping. Ryan even had various costume changes. We are shooting the last scene today which will be on kellymadison.com and also as a bonus scene on pornfidelity.com.

I have been tragically too sad and too busy to blog the past few weeks and especially so the past few days. I lost my baby. My boy Trey had fallen ill shortly after the major over-haul of my home. His back legs went out, his spine was going and we had the signs of the scraping of the toes on the ground and the difficulty walking and getting himself up and we were prepared for the eventual loss of movement but one Monday 2 weeks ago he was walking around the neighborhood the night before and suddenly woke up the next morning and couldn’t walk at all. Ryan and I had no problem lugging the 104 pound pup around with a make-shift harness to do his business and immediately ordered him a real harness along with a special order wheelchair. So in between the busiest days of my life my baby was paralyzed and completely dependent on me.

As of last Sunday after the big 3 days shooting extravaganza he began losing control of his bladder. So I bought him doggy diapers which of course were way too small so I ordered him XXL ones online. I took him in to the vet and his bladder had expanded which was adding to the problem. I went home and made him his special meatballs and drove back to the vet and fed him and said goodnight. The next day he took a turn for the worse. I went and got my baby and brought him home. They gave him a pain shot right before leaving which made him loopy as hell. I lay him on our mattress that we took off our bed and put on the floor and Ryan and I lay beside him. His nose started to bleed and we worried that he would aspirate from it since he has what is called a tie-back on his larynx. We opened him up a beer and let him drink it. We made him pizza which he only had a few bites of and gave him strawberry ice cream and kissed him a million times and when his breathing at 4:00 AM began to be too labored we took him in. I lay with him in the back of the Escalade knowing this was the last time I would be able to hold him. I went in and out of sleep in sort of a dream like state. I felt like it really wasn’t happening.

We had his chest x-rayed and sure enough, he had aspiration pneumonia from the bloody nose. He was so weak. In our 13 or so years together we had beat severe skin allergies and found a cure in natural enzymes and the proper diet, 2 surgeries to remove a tennis ball from his intestines, Immune-mediated thrombocytopenia which is fatal and required high doses of prednisone for an extended period of time which ate away his muscles in his back legs so then we did a year of hydrotherapy with an animal physical therapist, hemorrhagic gastroenteritis which is usually fatal but again he pulled through, a crazy tick attack in the backwoods, laryngeal paralysis and the tie-back surgery to fix it, 5 fatal episodes of aspiration pneumonia and the therapy to heal him which included 3 times a day to be nebulized for 20 minutes and his chest pounded on for 10 minutes to help clear his lungs, a liposarcoma cancer diagnoses with surgery to remove the tumor then another surgery because the incision wasn’t healing properly, another cancer diagnoses with another surgery followed by 19 treatments of radiation and in all of this he was so happy to go the vet! He got his monthly accupuncture treatments and monthly bloodwork and he was still healthy and happy and wanting to just keep on living.

That seemingly boundless desire to live through anything finally began to shift into low gear. I could see it in his eyes. He didn’t want to walk in the wheelchair, he didn’t want diapers. He did want the beer. I wish I could have kept him at home for a few days and just fed him and gave him anything his heart desired but he only gave me 12 hours. 12 precious hours and they were finally over and I had to say goodbye to my best friend. My baby. My Trey.

So you see I haven’t been very available to blog or even to breathe lately. I never had a dog. He was my first. I never had a child. He was it. I am slowly coming back to the real world and I am working today. Trey always liked to be on set and look at the pretty girls and to be with us. He liked getting under the camera person’s legs as they are trying to get the shot. He was part of the company and a main character in the family. He will be missed but not forgotten. I’ve spoken of this damn dog more than I speak of my husband. What can I say? I had a love affair with a big yellow dog.