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Archive for the ‘Domestic Drudgery’ Category

Post Christmas Paralysis

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

OK, I just got through the busiest Christmas of my life. My body is screaming at me and my nerves are shot. My floors (3 day job to fix my marble floors) were finished on the afternoon of the 23rd so we moved the furniture back in and had a Christmas tree delivered and I decorated it as fast as humanly possible, decorated the entire house, set up formal table settings for 11, set up serving ware and chaffing dishes for salmon, baby back ribs, tri-tip roast, sweet mashed potatoes, regular mashed potatoes with mushroom gravy for the vegetarians and meat gravy for the cavemen, macaroni and cheese, Waldorf salad, tomato, cucumber and feta salad, garlic pesto rolls and 2 pies, a cake, and ten thousand cookies, caviar and champagne bar, wine table, cheese platter and a partridge in a pear tree. Meanwhile, the sisters, husbands and pooches stayed at the work house which had a fully stocked frig, heated pool and spa, Christmas decorations galore inside and outside and new bedding. I think I can open up a bed and breakfast now – NOT. I am so done. The party went well and the rest of the house pests left last night. I had to practically kick them out. Ryan let me sleep for 11 hours and now I have so much work to do since I abandoned my business for the last 2 weeks.

Thank you everyone for your beautiful emails and messages of kindness. I did read them ALL. I just didn’t have time yet to respond, I sincerely apologize for that. My main focus now is only my business and my doggies so I should feel a sense of normality come upon me soon, at least that’s what I’m praying for…

Holiday Heaven or Hell?

Sunday, December 18th, 2011

Which is it? I love the holidays but my schedule is kicking my ass. I have family coming to stay with me and by the time I purchase new linens and move beds and hire cleaners and helpers to decorate I figure it is way cheaper to put them up at 5 star hotel!

Like I said, heaven spending the holidays with them or hell trying to prepare?!!! I have my two sisters and husbands and their 2 dogs staying at the work house and my niece, her husband and her new baby staying at my home. I am also having a Christmas dinner at my house and I’ll be gone doing other various Ryan birthday and holiday events on Sunday, Thursday and Friday night, not to mention gone Christmas morning over at the in-laws that live an hour away. How am I ever going to pull this off? Plus I’m still down 2 employees that used to help me out with personal things as well and I just haven’t gotten off my butt to hire a new assistant. I don’t do change well :O

Hope your holidays are less hectic. I like being busy but I think I’ve taken on too much this time. As if I can afford any more gray hairs or wrinkles people.

By the way, new photo/video update went up on my site on Thursday called “The Magic Box”. Indeed it is a double entendre 🙂

Oh yeah, my dog Trey kept me up all night hacking and coughing. I may have to take him to the vet today to rule out another case of pneumonia. It better not be, I have been so careful hand feeding him and elevating his water dish since his larynx surgery.

Super Windy

Thursday, December 1st, 2011

Wow, it is so windy outside. It isn’t too cold but geez, it sounds like my house is going to blow away. We are shooting today so I’m off to go get a spray tan and do some errands. I don’t have to drive on the freeway which is a good thing since I have a high profile vehicle, but then again, hey I’m used to being top heavy. Plus on windy days large semi trucks scare the heck out of me. I’ve been up since 4:00 AM because the alarm company called me about our work house. The wind set off the alarm and I’m sure the backyard over there is trashed. I have lots of tall trees in pots and a pool and patio furniture. I am going to be stopping by to help clean up the damages.

Also, today my new update went up on my site. Ryan aptly named it ” Cum 4 Times”. Hmm, I wonder what that means???!!! Yes, he literally came 4 times, one right after another. He’s crazy, I don’t know how he does it.

Today is a very unusual shoot. Never had sex with a pregnant girl. There’s one to check off my list 🙂

Running around like a turkey with its head cut off…

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

I just took cans into the recycling place and cashed it in and gave it to my local charity, dropped off furniture, clothes, and shoes at the Salvation Army, picked up pies that I ordered, went the Dr. for my female check up, took grocery bags into the recycle bin at the grocery store, went to home depot to buy bulbs and ended up spending 2 hours there getting other stuff, gave all 3 dogs a bath, emptied out my car and now I am off again to 5 more places. What the heck do I have to be thankful about??? A LOT! I love this time of year. So much to do and it is cool outside and everything smells so good. I can’t wait to get home tonight and light a fire and drink a glass of wine and just enjoy being alive. I hope all of you are safe and home on this holiday. I always think about our troops over seas. I send my love and to all of those away from home this time of year. Kisses and gobble gobble!

Swings, heat, debates, & thai magic

Thursday, September 8th, 2011

OK, let’s start with the swing, had a lot of fun on it. My husband built it for the 400th episode and I had to get my ass up on there one last time. It was a hit while filming the past 2 weeks but it has to go. It had its day…

Now with the heat, so fucking hot. 107 degrees yesterday and if you know me, I would prefer to live in Alaska all year round so not happy at all. I need a portable AC to put up my butt to walk around with at all times, sort of like the oxygen machines on wheels. Hey, new invention to patent!

I watched a little of the debates last night and it all sounds like the same old shit of pointing the finger at the other guy and beating on their own chests. I rarely speak politics as I do not wish to offend anyone out there but this campaign is going to be a doozy. I could shoot myself for getting into a political discussion with my father-in-law the other night and yesterday with my accountant.

Physically right now I’m a mess. Both sides of my neck went out and my shoulders are bothering me, especially my right one so I went last night to get an authentic Thai massage and this very little, and mind you, not so young Thai woman got on top of me, pulled my arms up over my head, pulled my legs and pretzeled me, and basically stretched me out in all sorts of crazy positions and she totally kicked my ass! She said I would be sore for a few days but so far today I’m good. I’ll let you know when I can’t move tomorrow 🙂

My dog Trey is healing fabulously which makes me just want to jump up and down with joy. I get to shoot some porn tomorrow so that also is a delight and I am thankful for my beautiful home with wonderful AC to keep me nice and fresh.

Everyone take care and have a good weekend. I know those of you on the East Coast have had it rough. In my little spoiled world I like to complain sometimes but I do it with humor. I am indeed very thankful for my health, my family, my pets and for all the blessing I have received in my life.

Chicken with my head cut off…

Monday, August 15th, 2011

I have been running around like a you know what trying to get this 400th episode off the ground. I have over 52 catagories of props that I need and currently I am working with virtually no assistance. I drove to a Home Depot 53 miles away the other night at 9:30PM and I hit 8 stores yesterday. I really enjoy prop buying and set decorating but this is a bit much. We are filming Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday. I probably won’t be checking in much but I’ll get a bunch of BTS shots to share with you next Wednesday. Kisses and take care. Oh yeah, I am also picking up a chicken. Found out I can buy the chicken for only $3.00 but I can’t return it to the farm due to FDA regulations. What am I going to do with a chicken after the scene? I guess I’m getting a new pet!

Detox or not to detox?

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011


That is the question. I just got back from a few days up in the mountains and I am done with vacations and done with drinking for a while. Geez, first it was holiday season and all the parties, not to mention Ryan’s birthday and New Years. Then it was Vegas and the AVN show, then immediately fly to Cabo for another week of party party. Then it was the Superbowl party and the Xbiz Awards show and the afterparty and then Valentine’s with the romantic red wine. My kidneys and liver need a holiday 🙂

I was going to hop on the wagon and throw out whatever alcohol I have in the house but then I found this little diddy:

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. You get your glasses clean and it kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors filling a cup with vodka and soak the razor in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12 ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from the hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen ounce trigger spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

10. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

And all this time I have only been drinking the stuff!

Home and house full of doggies

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011


I didn’t end up going to Vegas until Monday morning and I was to return yesterday but the winds were 50mph in Vegas so I said to myself, “self, best not to drive a high profile 4 wheel drive vehicle out in the middle of the dessert with strong wind warnings” so I waited until this morning to drive home. Driving in the desert was fine this morning except once I got through the Cajon pass the winds were crazy and 2 huge semi trucks were flipped over on the freeway. I slowed down and got home safe with my boy Trey and my new baby Tommy.

We had an eventful meeting at the work house where my dog Kaylee snapped at the new kid on the block. Tommy is now a bit scared of tiny little Kaylee but they should get over it soon enough.

Right now the 3 doggies are sleeping at my feet as I check my emails and write my blog. I actually have a lot of work to catch up on. We just got out all the 1099’s and now I need to start tax preparation. Thank god for Quickbooks and for my office manager Wendy. She’s a smart little bugger and already has everything from last year entered and reconciled.

I also wanted to tell you that I got a new laptop on Saturday. I am finally entering the world of livecam again. I am going to be doing live shows for my members. It has been a long time since I did livecam. It was hard to do it before because I would put a lot of effort into my show back in the day and I would only have about 100 people for the live shows out of over 5,000 members. I found it a better solution to put all my time and energy into filming my updates for my site and forgo the live stuff. Now livecam is blowing up and I feel as though I am shortchanging my members if I don’t provide them. I love doing them and I don’t mind the extra effort as long as people want them and will show up for the shows. I’ll keep you posted when I am up and running.

Unpacked and packed

Monday, January 10th, 2011

I barely got home from Vegas, unpacked my suitcases and now I am packed again and ready for Cabo. We leave in the morning. We are flying down with our makeup and camera guy Kip and hair stylist and assistant Pauline, my husband, myself and of course Sienna West. We can’t go to Mexico without her. We are going down to shoot a DVD and some scenes for both and for

It should be fun and crazy and busy and just non-stop action. It is a bit crazy to go from Vegas directly to Cabo to shoot after 3 days straight of signing and going to networking parties and awards shows until all hours of the night and then off to another country to go and film but there is no resting for me, now that I won for best web star I have to keep it up for sure!

Hopefully I get my voice back, find my camera and don’t get sick. I love you guys and I want to shoot some really good scenes for you. I am going to bed early tonight and I’ll cuddle up with my AVN award 🙂

Oh, I just can’t stop talking about it. I am so stoked. I mean, I am nobody. I only work for myself, I don’t work for big companies and my husband and I and our little crew do everything ourselves even our own customer service and merchant account and our own affiliate program so it is just such an honor for my team. They make Kelly Madison, I’m just a dorky chick who likes to hang out at home with her doggies and make dinner and oh yeah, fuck a lot!

Wheh! Thank god Christmas is over!

Monday, December 27th, 2010


I barely made it through the holidays. We shot on Wednesday and Thursday and then went to a family party Thursday night with a million kids, OK it was only 8 but it sounded and felt like a million and one of the little virus infested creatures gave me a cold. I woke up super early on Friday and I wasn’t feeling hot but I had a dinner to put on so I shopped for food and finished wrapping gifts and then got on the road with the Escalade filled to the brim with presents and my two dogs and me and my husband’s luggage and oh yeah, that damn virus rode along quite happily in my lungs. Christmas Eve we went to Seal Beach with friends and family and then spent the night at my in-law’s. We woke up and opened up tons of gifts and then promptly loaded the Escalade back up along with the dogs and oh yeah, that virus was with me for the ride home. I then had to finish setting the table and got the food ready for my Christmas Dinner. The in-law’s and sister in law then spent the night with us so the guest rooms and bathrooms had to be all set up. The day after Christmas we had a big breakfast and then after cleaning that up I made lunch while watching football and then we all crashed on the couch to watch a movie. By the end of the night of the 26th I thought I was going to pass out. Me, Niquil, and my buddy virus went to bed. I didn’t wake up until noon today. Bah humbug. Actually, I am feeling a little better and even though I was sick, my Christmas went very well. The best thing was even though I was running around like crazy I would periodically check my email and so many of you out there sent me the kindest messages and wishes. You are the ones that put a smile on my face and made me appreciate the holiday 🙂

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